Toeplitz

 I had a breakup last week... ... ... :(( My heart felt heavier by the moment. It was as if someone was piling on all the effin rocks of Banjara Hills on my heart. The ground pulled me down all the while like a magnet and stopped short of eating me up. And I tried everything to make myself feel better - had a haircut, had looooong baths, met long-lost relatives (yeah! I don't meet them much), partied and got drunk, smoked, went out for lunch everyday, went out for dinner everyday, spent time alone, partied more and got drunk more, made myself midnight snacks, spoke to my ex (and felt worse), chatted, skipped work for a day, then tried to get back and engross myself in work, read blogs, tried to read books (but for some reason, couldn't), spoke to everyone on my phone list (right from my old school friends to the TeleShopping people in Chennai)... every Goddamn thing I could think of and a lot more!! I still couldn't get myself out of it all.

So I woke up on Saturday morning and decided to clean up my hard disk. Turns out someone copied a few movies on Friday. Four of them were the romantic kinds, probably the last thing I wanted to watch, you would think. On the contrary, I decided to see how far I could go in terms of feeling bad, just for the heck of it. They are all wonderful movies and I somehow missed them everytime I got a chance.

So I sat down and watched all of them, one after the other. First to go was "Serendipity". Really neat movie. People might brush away the movie saying it's not ever gonna happen in real life. But if you are one who thinks of that aspect while watching a movie, you are a total loser. The thing about Serendipity is that there are three stars - John Cussack, Kate Beckinsale and... FATE. It's about how Cussack and Beckinsale meet by chance on the eve of Christmas and feel something special for each other even though they already have partners. They part that night with Beckinsale saying that if Destiny wishes, they'll meet again. For a few years, they don't meet and are on the verge of marrying their partners. But as in all lovey-dovey romantic movies, they set out in search for each other and meet and live happily ever after. The good part lies in between - how fate forces them to think about each other and never forget that one night. The movie also has wonderful dialogues. The night they meet for the first time, they go out for ice-skating and are playing a getting-to-know-you game and Beckinsale asks, "Favorite New York moment?". Cussack thinks for just a moment and says, "This one's climbing the charts". But the piece that got to me was this - an obituary that Cussack's New York Times Editor friend writes when they decide to call off the search for Beckinsale (at some point in the movie):

"Johnathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiancee. He was 35 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Asked about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described Johnathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. "Things were clearer for him," Kansky noted. Ultimately Johnathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we currently refer to as destiny."

I would give Serendipity a 7.5/10.... on second thoughts, I think I would put that up to 8/10.

The next movie I saw was "Lost in Thought" starring Bill Murray and the lovely Scarlett Johansson with her drop-dead smile. The movie is quite... ummm... 'arbit'. There's nothing that actually happens. It's about a veteran actor who goes to Tokyo to do an ad campaign for a whiskey company and a girl who goes there with her photographer husband. Murray is married with kids but isn't as excited about his marriage as he was when he got married. Johansson's husband is too busy to spend any time with her. The film details the "accidental" relationship that develops between Murray and Johansson. They meet by chance and a friendship develops. The relationship is platonic and grows to such an extent that they make an effort to spend every waking hour with each other. The romantic tension starts out subtle, but builds until every frame throbs with it. There never really is a release, but the last, perfectly-pitched scene alleviates some of the pent-up pressure. And, what Murray and Johansson display goes far beyond what is conventionally referred to as "screen chemisty." The characters discuss issues both deep and shallow - from the search for the soul and the meaning of life to how couples communicate after long years of marriage. There's plenty of room for non-intrusive, low-key comedy, such as the blinds that automatically open in the morning to let in the light or the showerhead that is too low for Murray. Sofia Coppola is simply great with the camera - a good example being a gorgeously composed scene of two characters reflected in a plate glass window as they hold a conversation. This movie has a look to match its acting and content. 8.5/10

Two movies that followed were "Sleepless in Seattle" (7.5/10) and "When Harry Met Sally" (8/10). I don't think I need to write about them for 2 reasons - they don't need to be written about and it would unecessarily increase the size of this already lengthy blog. But what I found in all these movies is how destiny invariably leads us to someone, somewhere, sometime... without fail. I know they are just movies... but what the hell! At least 'thinking' that there's some truth in them makes me feel better!! I have never been a dreamer or an optimist when it comes to finding the perfect match... but if that's what it's going to take for me to get out of this low that I find myself in right now... so be it! I AM a dreamer and I AM a romantic and I KNOW there's something called "made in heaven" and "made for each other". All bullshit... but that's all that's making me smile right now! After all... "life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan." How else would you explain someone copying exactly these movies on Friday? And how would you explain my missing all these movies all these years... and suddenly finding a chance to do so... all at once? Simple... culmination of events in an exquisite, sublime plan...

Current Mood: Feeling Better
Current Music: Floyd

This isn't really my first blog, so to speak. But the last time I wrote a blog (on another site), it was probably because I wanted to diss a certain somebody and then lost all interest when I realized what asshole I was in doing that. Not that the person didn't deserve it... but just that I appeared silly to me.

I therefore take an oath that this blog won't be used to diss anyone or anything and I promise that this oath will be broken the moment I realize the need to do so.

Anyways, the real reason for starting this blog is that I haven't had (and I still don't have) ANY work since the past two weeks (or probably more... it actually looks like an eternity). Surprising, actually, if you consider the fact that I have had 100 hour weeks in this company... for months at a stretch. Not that I am involved in anything that's going to change the way the world exists... but in a startup like ours... Yep!!! I AM an IT guy and before you go "Jeez! Here's another nerd!", let me tell you I am an IITian too... so now, you can comfortably say "Jeez! Here's another super-duper nerd!". But you know what... balls to you... ummm... maybe I shouldn't digress, lest I break my oath in my very first blog here!

Getting back to what I was saying... when you are in a Hyderabad startup and it's your first job, my only advice to you is "PLEASE LEAVE NOW!" There are three keywords in that last sentence:

1) Hyderabad: Never work in a company where your salaries are decided by a Gult. He's going to put in all the clauses that even a John Grisham couldn't think of in the best of his thrillers. And the worst part is that these clauses are put whenever the need arises, not when you sign the damn NDA (Non-Disclosure Agreement). And since you are careful enough in losing the document after a few days, you can't say a fucking word to him!

2) Startup: The basic funda of startups is that they have to meet certain deadlines so that the big companies can buy the product from them and show it off in front of the other big boys before the other big boys buy it from another startup. These deadlines can be as absurd as Glenn McGrath being asked to open the innings and carry his bat through! Or Tendulkar being asked to score a century in a Final.

3) First Job: A lot of people feel that it's best to work in a startup at some point of time in your lousy career and it's best if it's at the first go. Balls!!! And bigger balls!!! The only reason you should work in a startup is if you hate yourself to the core and don't want yourself to have a life... Ok, granted that you are given responsibilities and good work in a startup. But, surprise, surprise!! You get the same in a big company too minus the atrocious deadlines!

I guess I have rambled enough for today because I have been doing a 12-6pm shift since the past week and I have overshot that by a long way today - it's 8:03pm right now. Gosh! I hate this blog thingummy already. But I guess I don't have anything better to do. See ya next time I wanna talk shit!

Current Mood: Dismissive
Current Music: G3 Live